by Steve Cook
News just in is that the Home Secretary has instructed the UK police to adjust their priorities so that they align with with current government plans to make everybody safe.
She explained that “making the citizens of this great nation safe” can only be achieved in the same way one would render safe any dangerous individual: by (metaphorically speaking) wrestling him to the ground, then locking him up where he can never bother an innocent government again.
This, secret government scientists have discovered, can best be achieved by making him wear a face mask that makes him (or her, for this is an equal opportunities humiliation) look and feel like a complete twat, lowers his confidence and self esteem and enables him to signal his obedience to dominant alpha males such as Matt Hancock, Boris Johnson and other lunatics.
Accordingly, the police are being instructed to drop their misguided prioritisation of knife crime and similar misdemeanors in order to keep officers more usefully preoccupied with more serious crimes in alignment with the government’s War on Dignity.
Henceforth, policing will concentrate on the stamping out of a far greater, more devastating evil: people not wearing face masks.
Many people have jumped to the conclusion that their being asked to cover their face has something to do with stopping a virus before it dies out of its own accord (last Tuesday) but this is not the case.
There is no known, scientifically verified reason for healthy people to wear a mask except that it strengthens the government’s immunity to democracy, reality and similar epidemics by boosting its natural power to make people do anything it wants no matter how pointless or stupid and this is now considered the government’s number one priority after the care and comfort of the ailing pharmaceutical industry.
Knife crime is considered to be of far less importance than was once believed by citizens and other ignorant sectors and pales to insignificance in comparison with the government’s need to get everybody to bandage their face.
It is also hoped that by taking the unjust stops off of people playfully shivving one another we may be able to boost traffic to hospital casualty departments. These have been unprecedentedly and worryingly quiet since the outbreak of a sinister virus that strikes without warning or, indeed, symptoms in most cases.
The government is to make the wearing of cycle helmets mandatory for all citizens inside and outside the home so as to keep them safe should they fall over.
The above article is from The Daily Scare
Visit the Daily Scare for more satire
The Liberty Beacon Project is now expanding at a near exponential rate, and for this we are grateful and excited! But we must also be practical. For 7 years we have not asked for any donations, and have built this project with our own funds as we grew. We are now experiencing ever increasing growing pains due to the large number of websites and projects we represent. So we have just installed donation buttons on our websites and ask that you consider this when you visit them. Nothing is too small. We thank you for all your support and your considerations … (TLB)
Comment Policy: As a privately owned web site, we reserve the right to remove comments that contain spam, advertising, vulgarity, threats of violence, racism, or personal/abusive attacks on other users. This also applies to trolling, the use of more than one alias, or just intentional mischief. Enforcement of this policy is at the discretion of this websites administrators. Repeat offenders may be blocked or permanently banned without prior warning.
Disclaimer: TLB websites contain copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available to our readers under the provisions of “fair use” in an effort to advance a better understanding of political, health, economic and social issues. The material on this site is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving it for research and educational purposes. If you wish to use copyrighted material for purposes other than “fair use” you must request permission from the copyright owner.
Disclaimer: The information and opinions shared are for informational purposes only including, but not limited to, text, graphics, images and other material are not intended as medical advice or instruction. Nothing mentioned is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
Leave a Reply