This article has been thoroughly fact checked and had all verifiable facts removed
Recently unearthed documents, discovered by researchers in an old hat box that had been gathering dust in the basement of Tower of London, reveal that fact checking dates from the Middle Ages when it was used extensively to relieve the minds of the hoi poloi and riffraff of the burden of heresy.
As you know, heresy is synonymous with lying and gainsaying ideas of the Very Best People is as bad as terrorism and this, evidently, has always been the case.
We cite here translation from the Latin of two ancient parchments now safely installed in the British Museum’s, “Thought Control Through the Ages” section. Both were originally issued by “Ye Office of ye Grand Inquisitor, Department of ye Wytch Burnings and ye Facte Checkinge” in 1492 and 1528 respectively
The First Document says:
Hear ye O men of faith, ye statement by ye heretic Simon Galileo of ye Borough of Scunthorpe that ye Earth goeth around ye sun be FALSE .
It hath been thoroughlie FACTE CHECKED by ye completely sensible facte checkers of ye Order of ye Brothers of Veritie of ye Vatican, which be renowed for its impartialitie in matters of ye Truth.
Ye Order of ye Brothers of Veritie hath been established last Michaelmas Eve for ye purpose of defending ye righteous from ye onslaught of ye unapproved factes. Its Holy Fact Checkers are completelie worthy of thy trust for they have credentials most impeccable, although these and their identities must be withheld fir reasons of securitie.
They have consulted ye Bible,which be known for never being wrong or slighly dim and ye scriptures, which be ye most thorough repositrie of veritie known to Man, have proven conclusivelie that ye Sun goeth around ye Earth but avoideth Englande.
For his crime most heinous Mr Galileo hath been ordered to be suspended for a term of six months until he cometh to his senses. If he feeleth this penaltie be too harsh, Mr Galileo may lodge an appeal to have it commuted to suspension by ye thumbs instead of ye genitals.
And the Second:
Behold, the Almanac of Ethelbert Nutter, part-tine blasphemer of Chipping Sodbury doth contain ye FAKE NEWS. His spurious and mischievous claim that ye Earth be probablie “at least a half a million years olde” be FALSE.
Ye Facte Checkers of ye Most Holy Inquisition have examined these claims most thoroughlie and without bias or agenda of any kind and found that they be without foundation or truth.
Ye Olde Testament of ye Bible, Book of Genesis, hath established beyond dispute ye FACT that ye Earth be less than six thousand years old.
Ye science be settled on ye matter and for his false claims ye aforementioned Nutter be roundly condemned and equalie roundly set on fire.
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