by Steve Cook
Typo City 9/8/20
The government today issued an urgent clarification on the wearing of masks as it affects the banking industry.
Jane Fibbs of the Ministry of Hysteria explained,
“We have issued this clarification in an effort to help the banking sector iron out some confusions.”
She went on to iron in confusions, starting with:
“We wish we’d never bloody started this stupid mask thing but for those oiks who are still too dim to understand plain ruddy English, here are the ruddy rules on wearing masks in the hope that we can dispense confusion once and for all.”
The following is a summary decoded by experts from her briefing,
The rules are suggestions, like the speed limit, that comprise guidelines. By “guidelines” is meant laws that are voluntary unless compulsory in which case they are referred to as “guidelines”.
We strongly suggest you wear a mask in a shop where the virus can get you but not in a pub or cafe where it can’t. By “suggest” we mean we’ll fine you if you don’t but only if a shopkeeper sets the cops on you. By “get” you we mean infect you with a horrible virus that is so sinister it has no symptoms in most cases,and is deceptively similar to a cold in others, which means you can suffer from it without noticing before you recover by which time it is too late.
The primary purpose of masks is to remind people there is an epidemic going on, lest people forget and go about their lives without panicking, which is illegal (or strongly frowned upon).
Cops don’t have to wear masks. No cop has ever died of the virus, proving that it doesn’t attack cops for some reason. If you want to survive the virus, join the police.
As for banks:
When entering a bank you MUST (we suggest) wear a mask unless you are a bank robber, in which case you are forbidden to wear a mask.
Whilst conducting your robbery or hold-up you are nevertheless required to maintain social distancing.
You can do this in many ways, one of which is to replace the traditional sawn-off shot gun with a shot gun with a long barrel.
Instead of yelling “Hand over the cash!” in the usual way, you can replace this with,
“Lob the cash in my general direction but please wear gloves!”
Steve cook writes and publishes cutting-edge sarcasm at The Daily Scare.
Visit The Daily Scare now and disconnect from reality
The Liberty Beacon Project is now expanding at a near exponential rate, and for this we are grateful and excited! But we must also be practical. For 7 years we have not asked for any donations, and have built this project with our own funds as we grew. We are now experiencing ever increasing growing pains due to the large number of websites and projects we represent. So we have just installed donation buttons on our websites and ask that you consider this when you visit them. Nothing is too small. We thank you for all your support and your considerations … (TLB)
Comment Policy: As a privately owned web site, we reserve the right to remove comments that contain spam, advertising, vulgarity, threats of violence, racism, or personal/abusive attacks on other users. This also applies to trolling, the use of more than one alias, or just intentional mischief. Enforcement of this policy is at the discretion of this websites administrators. Repeat offenders may be blocked or permanently banned without prior warning.
Disclaimer: TLB websites contain copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available to our readers under the provisions of “fair use” in an effort to advance a better understanding of political, health, economic and social issues. The material on this site is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving it for research and educational purposes. If you wish to use copyrighted material for purposes other than “fair use” you must request permission from the copyright owner.
Disclaimer: The information and opinions shared are for informational purposes only including, but not limited to, text, graphics, images and other material are not intended as medical advice or instruction. Nothing mentioned is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
Leave a Reply