Address to the nation by The Prime Minister, Sir Rodney Turnalot, MP, KC
NANUMAGA
As we look forward to Palm Sunday, Good Friday, and Easter in this magnificent multi-cultural country of ours, may I ask for your thoughts to be directed towards those people in our wonderful new nation who may not be able to share in these celebrations?
Whilst Easter, and all of the outdated traditions associated with this, remain important to a small number of people in Britain, we should be very conscious of the history which surrounds this, and which alienates too many people in the country.
I refer, of course, to the millions of people of the Muslim faith, whether citizens or illegal immigrants, and their dependents, our dependents on State welfare benefits, who take offence at our celebrations of the resurrection of ‘The Son of God’, and I must apologise for this description which offends so many of our citizens/Labour voters who disagree, with good reason, for this description of ‘Jesus’, who may have been a prophet of Allah, Praise Be Upon Him, but probably not a very important one?
Instead of looking at the last two millennia of Christian, Western history, culture, and evolution into successful industrialised and civilized, democratic nation states, may we not look at the idyllic alternatives which have been offered by Islam since the seventh century, and wonder what we’re missing?
Are we so unaware of the barbaric nature of our Western society that we can celebrate ‘Easter’ and the risen Christ by forgetting the Normans and their brutal and bloody conquests of Antioch and Jerusalem in the First Crusade in the 11th Century?
Compared with the ‘mostly peaceful’ advance of the Prophet Mohammed’s armies across the entire Middle East, Northern Africa, Eastern, and Southern Europe, the Christian Crusaders obviously broke every rule in the International Law Book of Rules, and I would have been happy to prosecute the Hauteville family of Normandy with ‘Crimes against Humanity’, had I been a practicing barrister in those days.
Let us not dwell too much on the past, especially not on my past, which remains unsullied, so long as three or four young male models from Ukraine either disappear or keep schtum in court next month.
Not unlike Jesus, whose father was also a craftsman, long before toolmakers came into their ascendency, I have a vision.
It is a vision which has only been revealed to a few of my Apostles/Cabinet Ministers, and they will carry my message to the length and breadth of my realm/Labour constituencies in England, with special messages to some of those from Pakistan who have taken a lax approach to the popular view of the age of consent and juvenile rape.
The message is; ‘You shall be forgiven, as shall all those who aided, abetted, participated in, and connived at your decades of the exploitation of worthless, kuffar, juvenile females…just keep voting Labour’.
My vision for our multi-cultural, magnificent, new nation is truly unusual and owes as much to the great Muslim Caliphs of ancient times as it does to the Commissars of the old USSR.
Squaring this intractable circle, as attempted in Iran in 1979, has exercised me more than somewhat, I can assure you.
I have, after consulting with fellow human rights lawyers from the European Court of Human Rights, and UN Human Rights Committees over the last forty years, been able to come up with a plan.
Getting the right inputs from the various, and varied, top class appointees from all around the world has always struck me as being the best way to form judgements and apply rules in my role as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.
Robert Mugabe, a lifelong Socialist, and anti-colonialist, inspired me. Appointees from Saudi Arabia assured me of the Islamic soundness of my thinking, as did my old heroes Muammar Ghadaffi and Gerry Adams.
One of my key advisers, from Mauritius, has been an old colleague from Chambers who helped me through the Bar Finals, Phillippe Sands, KC, and £8.0 million seems to be a trifling amount to pay for the result which I have achieved over so many years.
In conclusion, may I wish you a ‘Happy Nothing Day’?
Only by standing for absolutely nothing representing old, discredited values, may this nation survive under unaffordable taxation, pledged to successive ineffective and wasteful governments under my tenets which supersede all, and any, ancient religious beliefs.
And, thus, we are all equal.
With my best wishes to fellow Christians for the forthcoming special days in our calendar. May they mean as little to you as they do to me.
Sir Keir Rodney Starmer, Prime Minister
This article (Address to the nation by The Prime Minister, Sir Rodney Turnalot, MP, KC) was created and published by Free Speech Backlash and is republished here under “Fair Use” with attribution to the author Nanumaga
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