Just as it did in the 1970’s, the country finds itself in the iron grip of socialist stupidity. Labour cannot of course be blamed for Britain’s downhill trajectory, but it can certainly pick up the tab for disengaging the steering wheel and jamming its ‘Free Palestine’, ‘Smash the Patriarchy’, rainbow-heeled stiletto on the accelerator.

You might say we’ve been here before, beset by enemies without and within. It may not be hyperinflation and the EEC this time around, but the open borders scandal and those aiding and abetting it are certainly more than enough to be getting on with.

Anyone who was around in the 1970’s may feel the similarities with Starmer are striking – ‘striking’ being the operative word. Determined to show the unions just how tough he is, Starmer has thrown silly money at anyone who even thinks the words ‘picket line’: 15% for train drivers, 22.3% for junior doctors, and 5.5% for the public sector across the board. God knows what he’s going to offer hard-up MPs, when they discover that they too have been denied a ‘clothing allowance’?

Thankfully thus far, there have been no calls for a 3-day week, but one can imagine Ed Miliband trying to sell one to us – and who cares how many old age pensioners die, as long as Britain gets to Net Zero first?

Then there’s the crippling bureaucracy and government interference into every aspect of our lives, except those it actually ought to be involved in. Despite the promise of ‘treading more lightly’ on people’s lives, Starmer it seems is hell-bent on eradicating smoking, drinking, gambling, junk food, free speech, and of course anything else which makes life vaguely worth living. Fear not however, dapper denizens of Khan’s fiefdom – stabbing, rape and acid attacks are still very much de rigueur.

While it may appear hyperbole to evoke the Winter of Discontent, I’d make the case that the situation now is far worse than it was back in the seventies. Britain was still Britain then; skint, sure, but considerably more united and nonsense-proof. You knew who you were and where you were; you knew your neighbours. You knew where babies come from, what the contents of your pants indicated, and allegiance to the Union Jack was considered patriotic, rather than a deplorable sign of being ‘far-right’.

Maggie swept to power back in 1979, grabbed the country by the scruff of the neck and gave it a damned good shake! Something similar needs to happen now, and Westminster would be a good place to start. And yet, those searching for Thatcher’s second-coming in the Palace of Westminster’s Central Lobby may need to wait a while. Her legacy lives on, but her reincarnation is missing in action. It’s not the Tories, nor even Reform UK I daresay Starmer fears. It’s still Thatcher herself; a woman so indomitable, her portrait had to be removed to stop Sir Keir’s arsehole falling out every time he minces beneath it.

Alas, where is the Iron Lady’s replacement hiding? Everywhere you’d hope to find it, you are invariably likely to be disappointed. To say the Tory Party Conference was a damp squib would be to put it mildly. A 121-seat electoral force dominated by pinkos and One Nation ‘wets’, promising to address the issues they’d fatally ignored in power. Never can I recall a leadership contest so bereft of inspiration or charisma. The runners and riders simply did not measure up to the task at hand, having all been at least indirectly responsible for the past 14 years of Labour lite. Another flaw in their makeup, is that they undoubtedly labour under the Blairite delusion that elections are won from the centre – that may be true for Labour, but it’s certainly not true for the Conservatives.

Accordingly, James Cleverly’s conference message was that the Tories need to be ‘more normal’ – presumably an ill-judged call for centrism (the very reason we’re in this mess).

Kemi Badenoch made much of ‘waging war on identity politics’, although ironically that is also her unique selling point – as undoubtedly many party insiders believe her identity is political kryptonite for Labour.

Tom Tugenhat’s message on immigration was painfully resonant of the last 14 years: ‘This is about visas, not about foreign courts’ he told us, ‘Let me tell you something that my opponents probably won’t: this isn’t simple.’ Nice one Tom, that’ll win Reform voters back.

Meanwhile promising to create a ‘New Conservatives’, Robert Jenrick uttered the following non-sequitur: ‘We will be tolerant, but we will stand for never tolerating any of this, ever again.’

Talking tough and delivering sod all is one thing, but the Tory Party Conference didn’t even sound convincing. With the candidates now whittled down to just two, Badenoch and Jenrick, it is likely we are going to hear much more appeal to the right of the party before November’s decision – but I find myself totally uninspired by either of them.

God I miss Boris Johnson! Sure, he was full of shit, but at least he knew how to flog it!

The recipe Britain needs now is arguably much the same as she needed back in the 70’s: sweeping reforms to get the country moving. I.e., financial deregulation and lower taxation to help small businesses and entrepreneurs; a vast reduction of government in our lives; a reassertion of free speech; borders tighter than Keir Starmer’s wallet; a slap in the face for the trade unions, and a purge of the One Nation Tory wets closer to home.