Confused? You will be . . .

Today's Nonsense -in-brief from the Ministry of Hysteria

by Steve Cook

The  government has embarked upon an ambitious program of haphazardly messing people about in order to halt the spread of a virus that is not spreading as much as it hoped it would.

This left it with no choice but to use a test that cannot detect a live virus in order to prove that a live virus is probably not spreading enough to cause problems but much less than it said it was by identifying bazillions of false cases that are dangerously infected with no symptoms.

For an unfortunate few, the symptoms are even worse that that, often resembling the cold, sniffles, snuffles, man flu, hangovers, drug or cake withdrawal and other killers.

The virus is known to make millions of people not very ill and many others slightly unwell. The dangers of scores of Brits having mild symptoms – a catastrophe not seen since the last flu season – has prompted the government to freak out in the customary  manner of oligarchies the world over, engage in the quaint ritual known as The Wringing of The Hands accompanied by the loud wailing of the True Believers of the COVID Death Cult and declare an armageddonodemic, the only cure for which is to make the entire country destitute and usher in a dictatorship.

New lockdown guidelines that are voluntary but mean you will be fined if you volunatrily flout them will mean that people are (a) forbidden to open their windows, (b) required by law to live out their days in sterile oxygen tents, (c) forbidden to open their mouths (or breathe) whilst talking and (d) can only purchase essential items in the shops.

Accordingly, the government has issued a list of what are now recognised as essential items.

Here is the list:

Toilet paper

Face masks

er . . . that’s it!


Steve Cook writes and edits the Daily Scare, for which he is truly sorry


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About Steve Cook 899 Articles
Director, UK Reloaded
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