But money could possibly grow on trees after all
by Steve Cook
With the General Election only days away and the nation reeling from the bleak prospect of five more years of government, we are witnessing a phenomenon rare, if not unheard of, in British politics.
“Borrowing more money than exists is a fine example of the Tory Party’s ability to do the impossible.”
“In this way we can incentivize much-needed tree planting, harnessing the power of the tree to not only save the planet but make us all rich. This lays to rest the Tory lie that money doesn’t grow on trees because we are saying it certainly can.”
“It is something about which everyone in these Sceptic Isles can feel justifiably smug.” he said.
These revelations have prompted the major parties (Raving Loony) and even some of the fringe parties (Con, Lab) to launch new initiatives for tackling Britain’s mountain of debt.
The various initiatives have the virtue of being almost identical (apart from the tree thing mentioned above, which cannot be introduced until it has been tested and proven not to work), thus saving the citizenry the hassle of it making any significant difference whom they elect. The revolutionary plans for saving the economy follow the revolutionary plans of every country in Europe and are centred on the cunning ploy of “borrowing lots more money” so as to get the nation out of debt.
Everybody is optimistic that this strategy, unlike the other 142 exact same times it has been tried before, will probably work so long as the natural laws of the universe are suspended for a while.
“Instead of having banks create money out of nothing on their computers and then lending it out and raking in easy profits from the interest, how about we have the government print the money that fuels the economy instead, as a not-for-profit service to the community? Sounds wild, we know, but it might just work.”
“Communism, pure and simple. The sort of thing that Stalin or Hitler or Vlad the Impailer might have done.”
“This is a typical Sensible proposal designed to deny our friends in the banking Oligarchy their basic human right to rake in money hand-over-fist without doing anything to earn it and then use it to buy countries at knock-down prices.”
But just in case it doesn’t work (or as some experts put it: certainly won’t) contingency plans will be put in place. Central to these plans is the revolutionary new idea of persuading America to have another war to stimulate commerce and then helping her out by playing a key supporting role such as doing as we are told, making the sandwiches and so forth.While this won’t work either and will undoubtedly have the opposite effect of getting us deeper into debt, it does have the virtue of keeping millions of people’s minds off the inevitable bankruptcy proceedings and the arrival of bankers to confiscate the national infrastructure.
The above article is from The Daily Scare
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